he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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