He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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