I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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