Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
