please come you make the beer taste better
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
