how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize