we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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