Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
