I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
