another moral hangover. fuck.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
