Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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