So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
