Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
