OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
