I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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