He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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