you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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