We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
two words...techno handjob
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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