i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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