my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
