What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
