A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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