Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
