dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
