In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
