I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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