I want to walk on stilts...naked
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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