Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
