He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
