sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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