My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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