Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
