LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
