Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
