All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
