he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
