So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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