it hurts more in the daytime
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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