It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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