U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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