Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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