I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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