your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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