i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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