WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
