I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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