shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
