You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
