Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
