As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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