Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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