She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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