You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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