Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
