Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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