I feel great
I just peed on a car
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
