I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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