The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
