I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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