her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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