I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
