Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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