based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
