Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
