I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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