The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
