haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
cat food counts as protein by the way
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
