i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
