If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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