Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
