When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
