Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
