Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the day after is always just damage control
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
