I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
