I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
