I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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