I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
