Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
