Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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