i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
