my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
